two in one

Alright guys, as promised, more reflections on my reading of When People are Big and God is Small.

Chapters 3-5:

I think chapter three really sums up my fear of man: “People Will Reject Me.” Way too often, my thought is “What if they think that comment is stupid?” or “If I act that silly then they’re going to think I’m weird.” or “What if they argue with me over my point and I lose the argument?” The fear of being rejected by other people has impacted my life more than anything else-any other fear, action, circumstance, or belief, sadly to say. Why is this the case? Welch says that “the praise of others-that wisp of a breeze that lasts for a moment-can seem more glorious to us than the praise of God.” As crazy as it is, knowing a person likes me can seem more exciting than knowing the God of the universe loves me. I’m bothered by this. Why do I do this? Well, the answer came in one of the most convicting statements of the chapter: “Fear of man is always part of a triad that includes unbelief and disobedience.” Fearing people means that we don’t believe God is who He says He is. That God is the all-powerful God of the universe who loves me completely and having His approval is all that matters, and all it takes to gain that approval is to truly believe in Jesus. When we don’t really believe that, we do things to please people, even when they don’t please God (disobedience).

Chapter 5: “The World Wants me to Fear People.” We live in a culture that praises feelings and needs. We make decisions based on feelings alone and believe the world is supposed to give us what we need to feel appreciated, loved, and good about ourselves. If our needs are not met, it is other people’s responsibility to meet them. What does that have to do with fear of man? Relying on our feelings instead of God “erodes the fear of God” and therefore “will intensify the fear of man.” Relying on other people to meet our needs means we are controlled by people, and not by following the Lord. The only one who can fully give us everything we need, emotionally and spiritually, is Jesus. Praise the Lord for the cross and for the love of the Almighty.

*Post title: “No One Loves Me Like You,” by Jars of Clay

So, I’m in a ladies book club at church. We meet once a month to discuss a Jesus-related book (you know, the kind you find in the “Christian Inspiration” section at Barnes & Noble). I am really bad about finishing these books. This month, I am determined to read the whole thing. For one reason, I want to be able to fully participate in conversation. The main reason, is that I need to read this book. This book is me. It gets at some of my biggest struggles. To tell you the truth, I’m a bit afraid to read it. I know it’s going to be convicting. I have a feeling it’s going to make me actually address things I prefer to pretend don’t exist or aren’t that big of a deal. So, here we go, God, use this book as You will.

When People are Big and God is Small by Edward Welch. That is this book that gives me butterflies. That is the book I want to talk about over the next few weeks on here. I figure, if I plan to write down summaries/thoughts, I will be held slightly more accountable for finishing it and for actually putting what I read into practice. So, here goes nothing.

Chapter 2: “People will see me”

Chapter 1 basically explains that all of deal with fearing people more than God. Chapter 2, deals with shame. Shame, we’ve all been there. We are either ashamed by what we have done or by what has been done to us (or both). Welch explained that in today’s world a secularized term for shame is “low self-esteem.” And, that much of our fear of man is actually a manifestation of our fear of God. We are afraid of being fully seen by God, but can’t really grasp that, so instead become afraid of being seen for all we are by other people.

From the very beginning, this chapter hit home. Shame. As much as I hate to admit it, that is something all too real to me. For the past few years I have preached vulnerability and honest relationships where we’re not afraid to share difficulties with each other. However, inside, I was terrified of those relationships. I was afraid to admit just how much the opinions of other impacted my day-to-day life (because, in all honesty, it’s pretty embarrassing. I’m sure we’ll go into this more later in the book). I rarely told people just how hard physical things were in me and Michael’s relationship before marriage. I never told anyone when I was angry or jealous, which was more than I like to admit. I like to think I have little to be ashamed of, but in reality, I was constantly hiding. I think the part of this chapter that hit most home was when Welch explained that shame is often seen as “thwarted pride.” We didn’t get things we believed we deserved. He says that “low self-esteem usually means that I think too highly of myself.” Welcome to my life. In college, I had this friend that was loved by everyone. I’m serious. Everyone thought she was absolutely amazing. I can’t tell you how often I thought of ways I was better than her. I had to. It was the only way I kept myself from feeling completely worthless. I believed life was unfair because more people adored her than they did me, yet I believed I was more worthy of their adoration. As I look back over the last two years of school, I see the damage my “thwarted pride” caused that relationship. It led to anger, jealousy, and bitterness. It became difficult to truly love her. I put on a happy face and I don’t think anyone but Michael knew how hard it was for me to even be in the same room as her. While other things caused some of the tension between us, I believe it was my shame, my thwarted pride, that ruined the friendship. Oh, how terribly I need Jesus.

And, I guess that’s where I’ll end, just as Welch did. Hebrews 10:10 says “we have been made holy through the sacrifice of the body of Jesus Christ once and for all.” How beautiful is the sacrifice of Jesus. His death and love has covered my sins and therefore, taken away a reason for shame. I just need to believe with confidence that when God sees me, He sees Jesus and His opinion of me is more important than the opinion of other people. Join me on this adventure. I’m excited to see what God has in store for the next few weeks!

*Post title: “Much Afraid,” by Jars of Clay